I Let Her Lie
by Queen Nan
Summary: Regina lets her lie, she lets her break her heart, because she has to, because to confront the truth, that would destroy her, it would destroy them. FTL Post Curse Angsty SwanQueen, to be continued...
1. I Let Her Lie

**A.N: So this is supposed to be a one-shot, an angst filled, no happy ending, one-shot.  
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**I Let her Lie**

Regina shifted in bed as the heavy doors to their bedchamber creaked open. She knew who it was and she knew that she would pretend to be asleep as Emma slipped from her soiled, telling clothing quietly, hoping that Regina would stay asleep. Regina let her think she had been fooled, let her think that she knew nothing about her late night trysts, Regina let her lie.

She was quiet and still as Emma slid into their bed and she let her breathing come out steady and even as Emma peered down at her, "Regina?" The voice was less than a whisper as the Princess stared at her. Regina feigned her deep sleep and she relaxed slightly as Emma let out a sigh and settled down next to her. In the aching quiet of the room Emma muttered, "I hate that I love you."

Regina clenched her eyes shut tighter and let herself lie.

* * *

The weeks continued on, Emma continued to betray her, betray their supposed love on an almost nightly basis, and Regina continued to play the fool. She wasn't sure what would happen if she confronted Emma about her late nights of passion with someone who wasn't her. Would Snow and Henry insist that it was no more than she deserved, would they pity her? Would her pride even allow her to stay with the shame and hurt made known? She did know the answer to that question and so she kept quiet, she pretended not to notice the marks on Emma's body that she had not put there, the distant look in the blonde's eyes as she waited for Regina to drift off to sleep so that she could slip away into the arms of someone she wanted to love, but couldn't because of Regina, because of the twisted nature of 'True Love' in a world that she'd brought them back to.

Regina let the secrets and betrayal lie between them because she wasn't strong enough to lose her love to betrayal again, even if Emma was the betrayer.

* * *

It was Snow that first approached Regina. The quiet concern in her former enemy's eyes set Regina's teeth on edge as she all but growled at Snow to stay out of her business. The woman's assertions that what her daughter did was her business did nothing to quell the rising anger in Regina. It was a known fact that the Evil Queen lashed out when angry, when hurt, and there was Snow, poking the angry witch with a stick she'd chosen to ignore out of desperation, out of necessity.

Snow murmured quietly as Regina stood to leave, "Regina, it isn't right for her to-"

Regina cut her off, "I know it isn't right, but I let her lie. I let her lie." She turned away then, unable to take the sad eyes of the woman whose own life she'd made it her mission to destroy, unable to take pity from Snow whose own Prince was perfect to her, perfect and faithful.

* * *

She couldn't ignore it when it was Emma who sat her down, intent on confessing her sins, intent on unburdening her own soul at the expense of Regina's ability to feign ignorance, "Regina I..."

Regina glared at her, "Stop. Don't say another word."

Emma shook her head tearfully, "I have to get this out or I never will, mom says..."

Regina let out a growl and shot from her seat, "Damn your mother! The truly sorry keep their secrets, and bare their burdens alone!"

Emma rocked back on her heels, "Regina..."

Regina waved an angry hand as the doors to their balcony blasted open. She reveled in Emma's wince at her casual, almost destructive display of magic, "You do not get to confess and take away my right to pretend!"

Emma's eyes widened, "You... you know?"

Regina sagged and then ground her teeth down to prevent hot tears from leaking, "Of course I know, I've known since the beginning Miss Swan." She didn't have to look at Emma to know that she flinched at the name.

She finally turned to look at her and almost scoffed as Emma stared at her with what could only be called betrayal, "You knew! You knew what I was doing and you didn't say anything? Why?"

Regina ran a hand through her now long hair and snapped, "What would it accomplish Emma?"

Emma gaped at her, "You just... you let me do it? Why?"

Regina let out a tired breath and whispered, "The same reason you did it in the first place..."

Emma shook her head stubbornly, "I don't even know why I did it, why I kept doing it... I hate that I did it."

Regina stared down at the floor as she let her next words drift from her lips, "Almost as much as you hate loving me..." She let the words bleed from her, let the knowledge, the truth of them settle and lie, deep in her soul as she turned and strode from their bedchamber, ignoring Emma's stricken face.

* * *

Emma was considerate enough to keep her mouth shut around their son, and even Snow could not be sure that Emma had confessed because nothing on Regina's end seemed to change. Certainly Emma was more solicitous of Regina and stayed very close, as if she was determined to prove Regina's last spoken words to her false. Prove that she did love Regina, and that she didn't resent the fact. The effort on her part was almost more infuriating than how they'd been before. If Emma had truly loved her completely, and without resentment, she wouldn't have done what she did.

Even more odd, more infuriating to Regina was the fact that she still craved Emma's touch, still wanted her near, but she wanted it to be her choice, free from guilt or obligation. She didn't want this Emma who acted overly kind and yet would not touch her because of guilt. She didn't want this...

* * *

After nearly a month of Emma acting the perfect true love in public and shying away from her in private Regina snapped. She let her anger rush up and pushed Emma to the bed. At first it was hard and fast, almost violent as Regina took what was supposed to be hers, as she let Emma take her. As Emma came Regina let hot tears fall into the pillow, because she couldn't ignore what Emma had done now, her skin crawled as she imagined another set of hands on Emma, she couldn't pretend that she wasn't afraid Emma had been thinking of the other even as she cried out Regina's name to the high ceiling.

Slowly the violence and anger bled away as she made love to Emma, as she pressed and kissed, and worshiped her true love, one last time. The part of her that would never stop being the evil Queen wanted to set the room on fire with them both trapped inside but she wasn't that woman anymore, at least not completely and she couldn't do that to Henry, or even Emma.

So as Emma drifted off to sleep Regina slipped from the bed and dressed quietly. She retrieved a satchel from their shared wardrobe and quickly placed clothes in it, as well as some of her trinkets that she wasn't willing to let go of. After less than ten minutes she'd gathered all that she wanted to take and so she stood at the door of their chamber and considered Emma, her true love.

Better to let Henry hate her for leaving, better to let Emma go. Better to admit that she'd finally learned to love someone enough to let them go than to stay, to stay here in this palace where she was hated and unwanted by most, including her son, and though she'd never admit to it with guilt weighing her down, Emma.

She stared at the sleeping blonde as she prepared to leave, and with a quiet sigh she let her lie.

* * *

Her last stop was the courtyard where her apple tree still stood tall and strong despite everything. She wanted to leave a sign, evidence of her departure from their lives, and this was the only way she knew how.

With a single tear she passed a slow hand through the air and watched as her tree, her only comfort in the world at times, went up in flames. She watched it burn, owing her beloved tree that at least until it was smoldering ember and ash. It burned more quickly than any other tree would have, helped along by her enchanted flames, fueled by her pain and heartbreak.

She turned and looked up at the window to her son's bedchamber, and then ticked a glance to Emma's before she spun away and told herself that they would be fine, that she would be fine. She couldn't say for sure that Henry and Emma would be fine, not honestly, but she knew the answer to whether or not she would be. Still she told herself she would be as she vanished in a cloud of black smoke.

She let herself lie.

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	2. The Weakness in Me

**A.N: So this is Emma's P.O.V. of the affair. It does not deal with Regina's departure, but to my chagrin this and the previous piece with have at least one more follow up, if not two. It will probably be two. On another note this needs another title now that the first one is just the theme of the chapter rather than the whole story. Feel free to offer suggestions. **

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**The Weakness in Me**

She hadn't met with him the first time with the intention of betraying Regina, she'd gone to see an old friend, an old confidant, and if he'd flirted and she'd flirted back, well it was just their way, until he'd kissed her, less than an hour into their meeting. Until he'd kissed her and she'd let him. She wanted to say that Regina had crossed her mind immediately, that as soon as her true love had entered her mind she'd leapt away from him, slapped him, cursed at him, but the truth was she hadn't thought of Regina at all, not until he had her on her back with her riding leathers undone. She had pushed him away then, before she could betray Regina completely, at least she'd told herself that at the time, believing that she'd stopped it, been the noble one, and because no real crime had been committed there was no reason to tell Regina, to confess and destroy their peaceful if not blissfully happy lives.

She'd told herself it was for Regina's sake that she'd kept the first encounter to herself, but it was for her, because she was weak and she, Emma Swan, was no hero.

* * *

She'd been gentler with Regina in the next few days, less cutting, less resentful, because wasn't it she, the white knight, who'd almost destroyed them, while the evil Queen remained innocent of such a betrayal, remained the sort of woman who would never throw away a chance at true love without cause, without reason.

And there had been no real reason. She couldn't say he'd ever truly inspired raging passion in her, he never had, and he'd simply been convenient. Raging passion had always been reserved for Regina, Regina with her dark eyes and darker hair, with her smirk, and pointed arch of her brow as she gazed at Emma, refusing to budge, insisting that she would not be a prisoner in the castle ever again. Her whole attitude had grated on Emma, as if Regina choosing to end the curse absolved her of casting it in the first place? It was Emma's love that protected Regina and so Regina's lack of concern over her past deeds struck Emma as proof that her true love was not wholly reformed.

And instead of talking to Regina about it, yelling about, she let it fester, after the first encounter, she let her mind run away with her, let herself imagine how much easier it would be if Regina was not her true love, if it was someone else.

She let herself be weak for one moment, one moment that turned into two, then five, then ten, until it was she who sought him out. She'd lain with him, forcing passion that did not come easy, forcing Regina from her mind more than once, and forcing the look on Henry's face if he ever found out from her mind. She'd lain with him and let him whisper sweet words to her, promises that were empty because he may believe he loved her, but she would return to Regina after, she would try to put this betrayal out of her mind, and call it settling the score.

So when he'd whispered, "We could be together you know? No one would blame you for leaving _her._" She remained silent. She let him believe that she could believe that.

But the truth was someone already blamed her for leaving Regina, for even a moment. Emma blamed herself for the moment of weakness, for the slight crack in their love that was started on her end, with her refusal to give in to Regina completely, to love her without resentment.

A crack that was now a fracture because of her, because of her weakness.

* * *

Despite her self-loathing, it had continued. She'd told herself every time she met with him that she had to tell Regina, he told her that Regina would probably kill her, and him. She'd only refuted him when he suggested that Regina would have it in her to hurt Henry. That much at least would never be true, and what right did she have to judge Regina any longer? She was the one hurting Henry, Regina, hell even Snow would be furious with her.

It had started to affect her interactions with Regina, and resentfully, Emma had blamed some of her actions on Regina's sudden disinterest in sex. Regina was suddenly tired, and in her heart of hearts Emma knew Regina must feel that something was off, that something was different, but she'd still been angry, angry that Regina was punishing her without even knowing what crime she'd committed.

Anger, resentment, they were both easier than guilt, guilt and crippling fear as the specter of Regina's ignorance wavered and became the thought of Regina ever finding out.

So one night she'd voice her inner most thoughts, in a moment of true weakness she gave voice to her resentment, her guilt, her fear, "I hate that I love you."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she'd wanted to wake Regina up and apologize, she'd wanted to confess and beg forgiveness but again she was weak, she was terrified, and so she'd tried her best to go to sleep, ignoring that tiny voice in the back of her head that told her that Regina's even breaths were a little too even.

* * *

It was her mother that had discovered the affair. And the look on her face as she'd stared at them before tersely ordering that they get dressed would stay with Emma for the rest of her life. The look of betrayal on Snow's face must have been a pale a shade of the look that would decorate Regina's but it was enough to knock the air from Emma's lungs.

"You… Emma…" Her mother had turned to him then and all but snarled, "Go… Go and do not return. If I see you here again I will…" Her teeth were bared and her eyes were like slits, and then she'd sagged, "No… I…" She ran a hand through her now long again hair, "I can't be the one to end this… this thing, this mean, shameful thing."

Emma had winced, "I…"

Snow shook her head, "She… Regina doesn't deserve this Emma."

He'd spoke then, in a voice that was tainted with loathing, "I thought you more than anyone would believe that the evil Queen deserved whatever suffering she got, the bitch-"

To her shame it was not Emma who leapt to Regina's defense, but Snow, "Do not speak of her that way! You think she is evil, that she is a bitch? Has she betrayed Emma? Has she done anything but love her and Henry? Do not speak about things you know nothing about, you may lay with my daughter, but Regina loves her! You do not! You couldn't, if you did you would not let her do this to herself, to her son. Gods know what happens when true love goes wrong, I know what happens. Evil Queens are what happen."

Emma flinched more than once, "Mom…"

Snow turned to look at her, and instead of pride, there was disappointment, "Tell her Emma, if you love her, if you respect her at all, you will give her the courtesy of a confession." She turned on her heel and then paused to speak without looking back, "Tell her Emma or I will. Whatever her crimes, who she once was, she was once one of the two people I loved more than anything in the whole world, and she does not deserve this, not from you."

The sudden weakness in Emma's body had nothing to do with her mother's disapproval but with the sudden blinding clarity that soon Regina would know.

* * *

She'd honestly believed that Regina would be blindsided by her confession but she hadn't been, in fact she'd been enraged with her, enraged that Emma had the gall to confess. Emma wasn't sure if it was insulting to Regina that Emma had believed that she'd pulled one over on Regina, or if she really was terrified of losing her reason to pretend. Of releasing the tight grasp she had on her emotions, on her anger, and pain, on her hurt.

It was probably both.

And just maybe, a confession made it real, it made it undeniable.

She was stunned and hurt that Regina had known, had known and let it happen and for just a moment she questioned if Regina really did love her, because how could she if she let it happen, again and again?

"Almost as much as you hate loving me…" Emma had finally seen the crack in Regina then, as her true love turned on her heel and made her way to the balcony. For one insane moment she was afraid that Regina would throw herself off the balcony, but then, no, Regina would never do that, not to her or Henry. Regina, for all her faults would never be that, she would never be weak.

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Emma spent the next month doing her best to be the perfect true love to Regina, she rode horse with her, she played with Henry with Regina, to the boy's delight, she sat next to her at dinner, and she'd cut off all contact with _him_.

The only thing she couldn't bring herself to do was touch Regina. She couldn't kiss her; she'd lost her right to true love's kiss. She couldn't begin to imagine how she would ever be able to ask for that kind of intimacy again. How she could ever expect Regina to lie with her after her betrayal.

But she should have known that it would be Regina with the strength to take what was hers.

It had started out angry, and at least a little painful, as Regina took her, hard and fast, with no mercy or concern for her comfort. And Emma had reveled in it, had let it happen because she deserved Regina's anger, she let herself be taken by Regina with a violence that Regina would later regret, weakly she let it happen because a part of Emma was just so relieved that Regina could bring herself to touch her at all.

And then it had changed. Suddenly the violence was gone as Regina pressed into her, over her, with tears in her eyes as she made love to Emma in a way that reminded her of their first time, before the curse was broken, before Emma had realized that her true love really the Evil Queen in Henry's storybook.

Regina had worshiped her, had her again and again, and had not let her return the love. Regina had claimed, gently, reverently she'd loved Emma until she'd exhausted her. Until Emma had slumped weakly into the pillows and drifted off to sleep.

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The next morning she thought nothing of Regina's absence from their suddenly hopeful bed, not until the smell of smoke and ash drifted weakly through the open window of their chambers.

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